批改我的英语作文

Nowadays, more and more children prefer eating meat better than green vegetables。第二个eating太多余了。
declivous应为delicious
a fifteen year old 应为 a fifiteen-year-old；
And应该小写前面改成逗号,或者改成What's more, vagetables...。
lots前面加上since/because连成一句比较好。
如果要用are made ill，后面最好用by,这句话最好说lots of people become ill because of ...
后面的on有点嫌疑。。保险起见把on them 删掉吧。
即：What's more, vegetables can be dangerous since lots of people are become ill because of the pesticides the farmers use. So I like meat.z注意每个句子不要太独立，用点so这类的连接词，会比较连贯。

it is not quiet right。。quiet应该是quite。这句话是病句，纯中国式英语。。。太绕了，直接说However，that's not right.
Always eating meat 也是中国式英语。always 表示的可能性特别大，接近百分之百。改为：eating meat too much can also be dangerous！
heart attacks表示心脏病发作，最好改成heart disease。我印象中plenty修饰不可数名词。can only find 改为can only be found.
A lack of vegetables is a lack of proteins.我觉得有点问题，但说不出问题在哪里，你可以查一下lack 的用法。
On the one hand...on the other hand 要配套使用，同时只适用于相反的两个方面（这点和多人不知道，会乱用）
and so do me不好，要用也是so do I

还有，你这篇作文的结构有点乱，缺乏条理，既然后面还要讲吃太多菜不好，就前面就不要用Sally说了，直接总-分-总。
我一直搞不懂为什么就冒出个Sally来了。。。
从你的作文看得出阅读量有点不足，英语语感有待加强。平时多阅读一些文章，21世纪报不错。。。

呃。。。如果你是初中生，这篇作文很不错。如果你是高中生，建议你不要只写一些简单句，高中的作文适当增加复杂句型（不多，一两句就够了，但是前提是要写对。。）可以给作文增色不少，毕竟高中的作文要求会比较高。。。

我说话有点直，别介意。。。如果生气，5分我不要就是了。。。就这样啦~再接再厉~

Today, more and more children like to eat green vegetables than meat. In their view, meat and vegetables declivous terrible taste. Sally, 15-year-old girl said: "I need meat, because it contains vitamins and minerals, no vegetables. And vegetables may be dangerous. A lot of people sick because of pesticides farmers use them. I like meat."
However, it is not quiet. Always eat meat can be dangerous! People who like to eat lots of meat would increase the risk of a heart attack. In addition, rich in protein can only be found in vegetables. In the absence of a lack of protein and vegetables!
On the other hand, too many vegetables is wrong, too. The reason is that just like Sally said. As a result, scientists have to find a balanced diet is the best for our bodies in many studies. So I had to do. (标准写法）

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