请帮我把以下几则笑话译成英文千万不要用翻译机器 谢谢(*^__^*)

1. 有一男生喜欢一个女生
可是女生不喜欢他
于是他每天都死缠烂打
终于有一天女生忍无可忍
问男生
你到底喜欢我哪？我改还不行吗
A boy falls in love with a girl, but the girl has no interest toward the boy. Nevertheless, the boy has never stoped.

Finally, the girl becomes out of patience with the boy and ask:"why do you love you? Can't I change it for you?

2.有一根火柴走在街上忽然觉得头很痒
挠了一下然后就着了
被送进医院出来后就变成了棉花棒
A match is walking in the street and feel itching in the head.
He scratches his head and bursts into flames, and then he is sent to hospital, but people are surprised to see that the match becomes a cotton bud when it comes out.

3.问：红豆从楼上摔下来会变成什么？
答：绿豆，因为它摔青了
问：绿豆从楼上摔下来会变成什么?
答：红豆，因为他流血了
Q: what will red bean become when falling from upstairs?
A: Green bean. Because it gets blue
Q: what will green bean become when falling from upstairs?
A: Red bean.Because it bleeds.

4.水壶啊，你为什么总是哭泣?是因为屁股太烫了吗？
Hey,kettle, why are you crying?
is it because you butt is burning?

5.人家说太阳每一天都是新的
你还好意思愁眉苦脸
People say the sun is new for every day. You still have the nerve to show so worried.

6.不要把人生看的太严重，反正你不可能活着离开
Don't take your life so serious, you can't leave alive.

Have one boy student be fond of a girl student but the girl student not being fond of him thereupon he tie up to death rottenly every day ask a boy student that you are fond of me after all since the girl student finally is at the end of one's forbearance one day which? I switch over to be incapable what Have having become the cotton stick as soon as the match walks after feeling the head itches very much to have scratched an once and then has fallen asleep right away being given to be hospitalized out suddenly on the street Ask about: What may the red bean become from falling down upstairs? Answer: The mung bean, falls because of it green ask about: What may the mung bean become from falling down upstairs? Answer: The red bean, has bled because of him Why always do kettle Oh , you weep? Be to have burned what very much because of buttocks? That the household said sun every one day is new you show appreciation fortunately being down in the mouth Life is not looked at very grave, you are anyway impossibly alive leave

once there was a boy loved a girl,
however the girl didnt love the boy,
so he kept bothering the girl everyday,
until the girl couldnt take it anymore,
she asked the boy:
what exactly do you love me?
is it fine with you that i change it?

there was a match walking on the street,
suddenly it felt it head itching,
so it scratched its head
and got lighted up..
then it was sent to the hospital,
and turned out to be a cotton stick..

Q:what will a red been be if it falls down the stairs?
A:green been, since it is knocked into green.
Q:what will a green been be if it falls down the stairs?
A:red been, since it is bleeding.

kettle, why are you keeping crying? is it because your butt is boiling?

people say that the sun is new everyday.
how come you make those sad faces.

dont think of life too seriously,
you cant leave alive anyway.

by the way, someone is cheating downstairs....

A boys like a girl
However, girls do not like him
Every day he Sichanlanda
One day no longer girls
Asked boys
Which do you like me in the end? I have to do is not enough

There are a match away in the street suddenly feel the first Henyang
A scratch and then look forward to the
Was taken to hospital after it became a Mianhua Bang

Q: red beans fell upstairs to become what?
A: mung bean, as it fell by Green
Q: green beans upstairs to fall into what?
A: red beans, because he had bleeding

Kettle ah, why do you always crying? Taitang buttocks because it?

People say the sun every day is new
You the nerve to frown

Do not look at life's too serious, anyway, you can not leave alive

有一男生喜欢一个女生
可是女生不喜欢他
于是他每天都死缠烂打
终于有一天女生忍无可忍
问男生
你到底喜欢我哪？我改还不行吗
a boy loved a girl,
but the girl didnt love the boy,
so he kept bothering the girl everyday,
until the girl couldnt take it anymore,
she asked the boy:
"what exactly do you love about me?
i'll change whatever u love okay?"
有一根火柴走在街上忽然觉得头很痒
挠了一下然后就着了
被送进医院出来后就变成了棉花棒
there once was a match walking on the street,
who suddenly felt its head wass iching
so it scratched its head
it got lighted up and burned
then it was sent to a hospital,
and was turned to a cotton candy stick..
问：红豆从楼上摔下来会变成什么？
答：绿豆，因为它摔青了
问：绿豆从楼上摔下来会变成什么?
答：红豆，因为他流血了
Q:what will a red bean be if it falls down the stairs?
A:green bean, since it would get greenish bruise
Q:what will a green been be if it falls down the stairs?
A:red been, since it would be bloody red.
水壶啊，你为什么总是哭泣?是因为屁股太烫了吗？
Kettle, why do you keep crying? is it because your butt is buring?
人家说太阳每一天都是新的
你还好意思愁眉苦脸
people say that the sun is new everyday.
how can you pull a long face
不要把人生看的太严重，反正你不可能活着离开
don't take life too seriously, since you will not leave alive anyway.

绝对人译 (冷的挺难翻的,尤其豆子那个~)