港大英语面试，我写了一篇自我介绍，请高人点评一下。有没有语法错误，还有什么不得体的地方请指出来。

There are two sentences which need rewriting, I think. As follows:

1. being admitting - being admitted

2. I took part in the activities many times.- I take part in many activities

interviewer作为称呼有点生硬，除非是惯例，用sir,lady，gentlemen,视情况而定，都挺好的。
Aged at17有点汉化了。now,I 'm 17.
When it comes to my hobbies, they cover a wide range, among which
reading and swimming are my favorite.是病句，I have mang hobbies, among which
reading and swimming are my favorite.I usually go to libraryat weekends or holidays.I have a lot of books in my room .They cover amost every range.
At school,I enjoy all kinds of activities.I often try my best to take part in different kinds of activities to widen my eyes and experience different lifves.

整体还是不错的。 内容的确少。 你想加什么发给我我帮你。

interviewer放在此处好像有些别扭，不如直接说ladies and gentlemen，或者换一个其他的称谓，另外being admitting into HK University is my biggest dream ,which I`m sparing no effort to achieve，这里being admitting应该为被动语态，你是被接收接纳，应该是being admitted，which I`m sparing no effort to achieve可以加个always，另外你可以谈谈你为什么喜欢游泳，这些爱好带给你什么，谈谈家乡，或者你对港大的了解，为什么来港大，港大的什么最吸引你，语言上感觉有些别扭，你不如让句子短一点，口语化一点！祝你成功！

应该没什么问题，可以加一些你取得的成绩