英语小笑话带翻译

　　Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
　　Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
　　Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
　　Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
　　妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红？
　　弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架？
　　妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
　　弗雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
　　老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
　　汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

　　Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
　　Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
　　妈妈：你为什么不停地跳上跳下的？
　　汤姆：我刚吃完药，可我忘了先摇瓶子了

　　Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
　　Jack: Certainly.
　　Tom: And why?
　　Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
　　汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
　　杰克：当然应该了。
　　汤姆：为什么？
　　杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。

　　Stranger: Catch any fish?
　　陌生人：钓到鱼了吗？
　　Fisherman: Did I! I took forty out of this stream this morning.
　　钓鱼者：我是谁？一早晨我就在这条小溪钓到了40多条鱼呢。
　　Stranger: Know who I am? I'm the game warden
　　陌生人：你知道我是谁吗？我是这里的渔猎执行官。
　　Fisherman: Know who I am? I'm the biggest liar in the state
　　钓鱼者：那你知道我是谁吗？我是全国最大的说谎者。

　　3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book?
　　Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning...
　　Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
　　Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....
　　老师：汤姆，你今天为什么迟到这么久？还有你的家庭作业本呢？
　　汤姆：对不起，老师，我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯……
　　老师：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他抢了你什么东西没有？
　　汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本……
　　Who Was Disgusting?
　　Simon said to his friend,"My new neighbor was very disgusting.He rang the bell of my house late at night.""It was really disgusting.Did you call the police?"said his
　　friend.Simon said,"No.I just took him as a mad man,and continued to play the piano".
　　谁是恶心的？
　　西蒙对他的朋友说，“我对我的新邻居是很反感的。他老在深夜按我家的门铃。”“真恶心。你报警了吗？”他说朋友。西蒙说，“我只是把他当作一个疯子，继续弹钢琴”。
　　Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
　　and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
　　汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
　　吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
　　附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
　　一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
　　Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
　　“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
　　一盒小火柴
　　妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
　　“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
　　Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
　　Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
　　开车
　　父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
　　苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
　　Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
　　“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
　　“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
　　“She is the one who sells the candy.”
　　好孩子
　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
　　“她是个卖糖果的。”
　　Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
　　“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
　　“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
　　“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
　　他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
　　伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
　　“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
　　“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
　　“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
　　Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
　　Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
　　Teacher: Please tell us.
　　Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

　　两只鸟
　　老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
　　学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
　　老师：请说说看。
　　学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

1.A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die'

The girl refused. Sixty years later, the boy died.
一男生向一女生发誓：亲爱的，请你一定要嫁给我，不然我会死掉的
女孩拒绝了。六十年后，那个男生死掉了。

2.Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路标） says, 'School -- Go Slow'
老师：约翰，为什么你每天早上都迟到呢？
约翰：每次我走到街角的时候，都有一块路牌写着：“学校-小心慢行”

3.Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book?
Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning...
Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....
老师：汤姆，你今天为什么迟到这么久？还有你的家庭作业本呢？
汤姆：对不起，老师，我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯……
老师：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他抢了你什么东西没有？
汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本……

4.A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So they got married immediately.
The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. "What happened?" she asked." You used to walk straight before we were married."
"Oh, honey, " he replied, "I can't drink that much every day.
一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。
第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”
“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”

my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦,亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
一位女士打开冰箱门，发现一只兔子坐在其中的一层隔板上，就问它：“你在那里做什么？”
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
兔子回答：“这是Westinghouse对不对？”（Westinghouse，西屋电气公司）
The lady confirmed, "Yes."
女士确认道：“没错。”
"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."
兔子说：“那就对了，我就是要往西边去。”

Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?
兔子：你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病？
Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.
医生：当然咯，凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。

Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
兔宝宝：妈咪，我是从哪儿来的呢？
Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.
兔妈妈：等你长大点再告诉你。
Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.
兔宝宝：噢妈咪，现在就告诉我吧，求您了。
Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.
兔妈妈：如果你一定要知道，那我告诉你你是从魔术师的帽子里被拽出来的。