第一次写雅思作文 是关于远程和传统教育，大家看看这个水平能拿到几分。谢谢了。有问题请大家指出

5分左右吧。有好多错误，开头“an increasing”与"more and more"就重复了，都有越来越多的意思。其他的语法错误，观点不够深入，词汇量不够丰富（多次重复使用同一单词），我建议你拿去找你们老师，让他再好好帮你纠正一下

Nowadays,an increasing//number of more and more//delete people are concerned about //the phenomenon that//delete the method/s of teaching.However,whether people use distance-learning or rational teaching is a controversial issue. My view is that rational teaching provides a better learning environment for us.
First,it is obvious that for most people, attending //the//delete college or university play/s an important role in improving our learning interest//interests in learning and learning efficiency.This is in//delete because,if we learned the//delete management or marketing course, we need to collaborate with teachers and team,this is/delete meant/means that college and/or university can create an interactive atmosphere of learning.
Moreover, we can make full /use of /our spare time to attend the/delete practical activities in university or college. For example, the students who /are learning management courses they/delete can join the student union,thereby enhancing /their practical ability/ies ./delete And/and become/ing competitive in the job market.
That is not to say that people should not harness distance-learning. Of course/应避免书面语口语化,distance-learning is convenient and efficient .It is more suited to learning mathematics and geography,because these subjects pay more attention to/mainly focus on theoretical knowledge.But it is/has limitations.
In sum, attending college or university plays a key role in our learning career. Meanwhile,we should not ignore the other important roles of distance-learning. Both of the teaching methods are complementary to each other.

你好！帮你简单改了下，主要看了下你的语法。对于一个第一次写雅思作文的人来说，你写的这篇文章还是不错的，保守估计可以上5分。问题主要存在于基本的语法错误，如定冠词的用法，是否加s等等，和用词不准确，另外也要避免书面语口语化现象，如使用of course这样的口语。文章的结构可以再丰满一点，连接词的用法要注意，不要老用first这样的过于常见的，可以考虑别的，如initially subsequently等等。
如果在这些方面有所改进的话，上6分也是很有可能的。

我知道最好的是脱敏第一名牌网