帮忙翻译一下《史铁生 我与地坛》中的一段文章

Once I cradle a small courtyard; Think of anything further back, returns to pay close saw his mother standing still in situ, or sent when I walk, the posture of looking at me Shui out of the small courtyard to the corner whatsoever on my back was 1:00 no response. When she saw me go out again when she said : "Activities out, went to look at the book, I say this is very good. "After many years before I began to listen to that remark is actually the mother of self-comfort is secretly prayers. for me a hint that it is the plea and exhortation. Only after her sudden death, I have leisure time envisaged. I was not home when those long time, how distracted she spent hard-ning, concurrently with the pain and panic of a mother minimum pray. Now I can determine, in her intelligence and perseverance in those space down the day after night, That does not sleep in the night after the day that she wanted to go to the final thought he was said to himself : "Anyway, I can not help him out. The next day, he is, if he really want to park it in the yard out what was happening. This suffering, I had no choice but to bear. "In those days -- it was several years older section, I think my mother must have been prepared for the worst, but she has never said to me : "I think you have to." In fact, I have never really thought about her. At that time, her son, too young, have no time to think of the mother, he was down on the fate Yet, was of the belief that he is the world's most unfortunate one, do not know the unfortunate son of the mother is always there to double. She had a long of 20-year-old paraplegic suddenly on the son, this is her only son; She is reluctant paraplegic himself, not his son, it can not be replaced; she wondered. As long as he can survive even if they can do it to death, she also convinced that only one person is not alive, a son in a road toward their own happiness; This way, which failed Who can guarantee that her son was finally able to find. -- A mother, it is doomed to live in the most bitter mother.