英语日记评改。

Today I watched a piece of news on the internet. It showed a firefighter who saved a person’s life. The firefighter hold the person with ropes and slipt down to the ground. The news reporter said there were hundreds of people who used telephones or cameras to take pictures. I do not understand whole things about the news because as I watched the news I can not understand each words the news reporter said .I had watched the news seriously twice but I was still two skies, although I was so down , I told myself never give up and I should continue to struggle . This is the first time for me to write the diary ,not for homework , just for practicing my writing. I know that nothing is easy to start, but I have no choice. In my mind, there are many ideas to improve to my English level as soon as possible. To follow my ideas today I woke up earlier than before and I drank two cups of coffee because I hope I will work hard whole day without sleeping. After that ,I received messages from my girlfriend who told me to wake up early and I told her that I was waking up and I drank 2 cups of coffee in order to study. At the beginning ,she was worried and said it was very harmful to health and too good things was a bad thing. I understand but my English is too poor. In my opinion ,a person who wants to get things should pay things first. ...

上面是我边看，边改的，没有单独列出改动的地方。
马上下班了，先写这么多吧，回去再补充。
有写日记的想法，这是个好事情，多多练习吧。
提一些建议：注意一下量词，单复数，时态，从句，对比一下我写的。
我发现你在尝试写一些从句，但是可能掌握的不是很好，所以写的可能不正确，希望多看一下从句的语法，比如定语从句和宾语从句。
有些很难表达的话，可以试着从相反的方式来描述。比如你说每件事都很难开始，可以换成每件事都不容易开始，这样就比较容易了。
祝你成功!
希望我的回答能对你有所帮助！

1.watched a news 由于news为不可数名词，不能加a，可改为 a piece of news
2.It showed a firefight who saved a person’s life.此句话，可以改为it described a story in which a firefighter saved a person's life
3.The news’s staff said there have hundreds people who used telephone or camera to take pictures 此处there have 为语法错误，应直接为there were
4.I do not understand 保证时态一致，应为I did not...
5.whole things about the news 可改为 the whole course of the event
6.I can not understand each words on the news’s staff said 可改为
I couldn't understand the words of the news that the staff was saying
7.watched the news seriously two times 此处用twice更好
8.although I was so down however I told myself do not give up forever that I should continued to straggle 可改为although I was so down ， I told myself not to give up forever and I should continue to work hard.
9. This is my first time to write a daily not for homework it just for practice my writing可改为This is my first time that I have written a daily not for homework,but just for improving my written skills
10.I know every things that it is hard to start but I have no choice应该为I know that everything is hard to start ，but I am determined to work on
11.In My mind There are many ideas that all of things in order to improve to my English level as soon as possible改为There exists a keen desire in my heart for improving my English well as soon as possible .
12.To follow my ideas 改为To realize the goal
13.I drank taw cup of coffees that I hope I will work hard whole day without asleep改为I drank two cups of coffee so that I can keep energetic the whole day.
14.After that 改为Then
15.I received my girlfriend’s messages who told me that I was wake up early and I told her that I on waking up I drank 2 cup of coffee in order to study改为I received my girlfriend's mgs which praised me for geting up early,and I told her taht in order to study more efficiently,I had drank two cups of coffeee.
16.for the time beginning she was worried about that she said it is a big problem to health and too good things is a bad things改为 At first, she was worried about that what I did for study would be harmful to my health,which could turn a good thing into a bad thing.
17.I understand but I have I weak English.可改为I knew that,but I have to continue due to my weak English
18.In my opinion if a person who want to get things that he should pay things first可改为But I thought that if there are no pains,there will not be gains
19. I was no more ideas to think more that I just know I need to practice my English immediately that have no things can obstruct my step.可改为Aside from sparing no pains to learn English well,I hardly thought of the other thing which would obstruct my step to my goal.
20.I appear high spirits that lead me bad temper so I was lost control .I told her “get out” it is my first time said such the words to her.可改为Because of the high spirits of learning,I could't control my temper and told her to get ouot for the first time.
21.I know that I should not do such a thing, I just have no elegy to think others可改为I knew that it was big error,but I just thought of nothing except learning at that time.
22.I know that I should not do such a thing, I just have no elegy to think others可改为I also knew that what she said was just for my health,but,but...she didn't what I really needed