我今天要讲个笑话 用英语怎么说

A reporter interviews 100 penguins one day all to do any, first said:Eats meal, sleeps, hits the bean bean, second said: Eats meal, sleeps,hits the bean bean. Always asked 99 all so, asked 100th said: Eatsmeal, sleeps. Reporter asked that, How don't you hit the bean bean?The penguin said that, My his mother is the bean bean, your paternalgrandmother. In most classical joke world trickiest More than 60 years ago, a friend spoke a joke to me, laughed atme turned, afterwards because the belly too hurt the hospital. Doctorundergoes in front of the surgery to me, asked why I do smile this, Isay to him listen. After he listens to laugh wildly continues, finallyunexpectedly smiled dies. I have been delivered the court. Judge lets me mention that joke, bythe jury determines whether tallies with the manslaughter factimportant document, I request to sign exempt the responsibilitycontract. Judge announced rests the courtyard, after one day reholdscourt, to announce admits my opinion. Thereupon, I was in court thatjoke said, result some people smiled knock the table, some peoplesmiled sway back and forth on the place. Afterwards, same day allheard to this joke people all to smile dies. I instantaneous have become the celebrity, each group reporterrequests to interview me in abundance, I knew this joke mentions thepossibility to constitute the public violation, thereupon is treatingthe lens, I ambiguously said a speech, the general idea is: "Thereason forever is the rumour, the belief forever is aself-consolation. After the program broadcasts, causes the giant echo.But had not thought that, one day, several mystical plainclothes rushin my bedroom, links me tows 拽拉 to a dark room in. Crossed for along time, bunch of glares according to arrive on my face. Ireluctantly open the eye, startled has stayed, sits in front of me theperson is at present only with I equally widely known person -president. President approximately transferred has stressed my goal, very simple:Takes down this joke, then delivers the Middle East hostile countrythere the dictator, smiles dies he. I have to comply his request,simultaneously proposed this joke belongs to the weapons of massdestruction, cannot aim at the common people. President complied. After two weeks, president announced has already grasped that jokeessential technology, and tests successfully in the arid region. Thisin international between causes the great unrest, very many countriesare panic-stricken, the international military scientist names thisfor "smiles the deterrent". On in this time, a Eastern countrysuddenly announced also has grasped this joke, originally that elderbrother which speaks the joke to me have hired oneself this country.Thereupon, between us formed "has smiled the deterrent balance". After three years, on April 1, I worried finally to occur all daylong: A Middle East terrorist organization has stolen that jokeprimitive technology. Finally, the civilization encounters theunprecedented destruction, the various countries' government fearfullycannot last out the day. The United Nations has to hold the globalhead congress, finally on April 1 the hypothesis will be the fool'sday.

一个记者采访100只企鹅一天都干些什么，第一只说：吃饭、睡觉、打豆豆，第二只说：吃饭、睡觉、打豆豆。一直问了99只都如此，问到第100只说：吃饭、睡觉。记者问：你怎么不打豆豆？企鹅曰：我他妈就是豆豆，你奶奶的。
最经典的笑话 世界上最刁的一句
60多年前，一个朋友给我讲了一个笑话，把我笑翻了，后来由于肚子太疼进了医院。医生给我做手术前，问我 为什么笑成这样，我就讲给他听。他听后狂笑不止，最后竟然笑死了。
我被送上了法庭。法官让我把那个笑话讲出来，由陪审团判定是否与过失杀人的事实要件符合，我要求签订免责合同。法官宣布休庭，一天后重新开庭，宣布接纳我的意见。于是，我当庭把那个笑话讲了出来，结果有人笑得敲桌子，有人笑得在地上打滚。后来，当天所有听到这个笑话的人都笑死了。
我瞬间成了名人，各路记者纷纷要求采访我，我知道这笑话讲出去可能构成公共侵害，于是对着镜头，我含糊地说了一番话，大意就是：“理由永远是谎言，信仰永远是自慰。节目播出后，引起巨大反响。可没想到，有一天，几个神秘便衣闯进我的卧室，把我连拖带拽拉到一个黑屋子里。过了好久，一束强光照到我脸上。我勉强睁开眼睛，惊呆了，坐在我面前的人是目前惟一与我一样家喻户晓的人——总统。
总统大致交待了抓我的目的，很简单：把这个笑话录下来，然后送到中东敌对国家的独裁者那儿，笑死他。我只好答应他的要求，同时提出此笑话属于大规模杀伤性武器，不可针对平民。总统答应了。
两星期后，总统宣布已经掌握了那个笑话的关键技术，并且在沙漠地区试用成功。这在国际间引起轩然大波，很多国家惊慌失措，国际军事学家将此命名为“笑威慑”。就在此时，东方一个国家突然宣布也掌握了该笑话，原来给我讲笑话的那哥们投靠了该国。于是，我们之间形成了“笑威慑平衡”。
三年后，4月1日，我终日担心的终于发生了：中东一个恐怖组织盗取了那个笑话的原始技术。结果，文明遭到前所未有的破坏，各国政府惶惶不可终日。联合国只好召开全球首脑大会，最后将4月1日设定为愚人节。
60多年过去了，我已经风烛残年。在离开世界之前，作为历史见证人，我想有必要把这个笑话讲给大家。那天，我朋友给我讲的这个笑话很简单，很短，就一句话：

I'm going to tell a joke today
我今天要讲个笑话

i will tell a joke today
Q: Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?

A: Because he wanted mashed potatoes.

“I must speak today to laugh at”"我今天要讲个笑话"