求大神批改英语作文

题目有拼写错误

In recent years, more and more people migrate to another country.
批改意见：more and more可以改为 an increasing number of

For instance,some stars,business men and the millionaire migrate to another country.
批改意见：stars, business men和millionaire 的并列性不太强，需要替换。migrate to another country与前文重复，可以替换为choose to immigrate into foreign countries.

What’s the reasons for this phenomenon.
批改意见：没有问号……what's 应该为what are，注意主(reasons)谓(are)一致的问题。 句子可以考虑修改为What has led to the tend of migration?

First of all ,domestic environment become worse,such as haze weather and sandstorm weather.
批改意见：觉得这个高级词汇使用上有点泛滥。国内的环境，雾霾天气，沙尘暴天气……这里的表达都非常的Chinglish。还不如改成，There is more extreme weather than before over the nation, such as sandstorms and severe smog. severe smog这个是我查BBCnews的表述，感觉比较native

And some big city’s traffic is heavy,population continues rise at the speed of 2 million people every year.
批改意见：还是表达很中国式英语的问题。建议改成The traffic in many cities is in poor condition because of numerous private cars. And the domestic population has started to climb sharply, increasing to 2 million annually.

Secondly,another country’s environment is better. Moveover,their policy of people is more humanized.
批改意见：怎么都是中文直译的感觉。要习惯native说话的语序。而且我觉得环境好这个理由有点牵强，毕竟世界上哪里都有环境好的地方和污染中的地方，考虑替换另外一个理由。moreover拼写错误。后面这一句Chinglish again，令我不禁怀疑这不会是翻译软件辅助的吧……而且什么their policy？从英语角度考虑，这个they根本无从指向。而且这个理由写得太sharp了，要是中国老师would probably want you to get real bad hurt.- -句子整句大修！考虑修改为Moreover, some foreign countries have better legal system so that individual rights could be fully respected. 句子意思意会一下就可以了。

So people want to migrate to there.
批改意见：migrate to there低级错误。整个表达非常不可接受。For these reasons, quite a few people prefer to migrating to another country rather than staying in their home country。

Last but not the least,many people migrate to another country in order to follow the trend,They think migrate toanother country is also the symbol of reputation and wealth,so do they.
批改意见：Chinglish，不想重复了。Last but not least, many people choose abroad, following the trend of migration, most of whom think that migration is trappings of fame as well as wealth.

In general,I contend the idea that we should stay in China. because China is a friendly country, she is our mother.
批改意见：我只是不喜欢这个句式而已……感觉就是用得太死板了。尽管是标准六级作文句式。我个人认为，语句流畅是很重要的。平时多点阅读，培养语感。为什么不喜欢这一句，是因为这个句式和前文的搭配感觉不和谐。……对，不……和……谐……读起来特别别扭。标点什么的就不吐槽了。because前后因果关系不强，比较牵强。In general,I contend the idea that we should stay in China because China is our motherland, the most wonderful and historical country ever.

Although she has many disadvantages,we can help her to solve theproblems.And I believe that she will be better in the future...
批改意见：这句话要是批改老师看到了可能会骂一句熊孩子……好吧虽然我不是老师但我已经骂了。除了机器直译这个蛋疼的东西，就是这两句话所表达的意思……orz……不吐槽。Yet much else is discouraging，with lots of problems unsolved, our country is definitely worth our devotion to make it a better place.

总评：整篇文章的结构不是很清晰，需要分段，并且使用更多恰当的衔接过度的词语。第三部分“我的看法”可以写多一点，因为这篇文章是很清晰的三段式。分析原因的地方内容写得不是很好，很空洞，没有什么实际的原因列出。内容也是很重要的！至于句子一些细节在上边已经提到了，希望要好好注意！应该要重点表现的第三部分竟然这么短实在是很令人失望。要合理安排篇章的分布。

希望你写作文可以有更大的进步！

看了很久打了很久，很认真的写完了。

希望可以采纳了哦亲~~~

Why people migrate to another country
In recent years, more and more people migrate to another country. For instance, some stars,businessmen and the millionaires migrate to another country.
What are the reasons for this phenomenon? First of all, domestic environment becomes worse. For example, haze and sandstorms become more and more severe. And in some big city, the traffic is heavy. Population continues rising at the speed of 2 million people every year. Secondly, other countries' environment is better. This is because their policies are more humanized. So people want to migrate to those countries. Last but not least, many people migrate to another country in order to follow the trend. They think migrating to another country is also the symbol of reputation and wealth.
In general,I agree with the idea that we should stay in China because China is a friendly country. She is our mother. Although she has many disadvantages, we can help her to solve the problems. And I believe that she will be better in the future.