请英语高手帮忙改下Personal Statement 改下语法错误和加点内容 我选的专业是土木工程 谢谢

不好改啊，你的太中式英语了。再好好查查吧

I am sorry that I have to ask a favour of you, with the hope that you will be good enough to help me.
It is a long-cherished desire that I study civil engineering in the U.K, and I have craved it so much that I have even been dreaming about it day and night. U.K is provided with an outstanding education system represented by the high ranking of the British universities, which recruit students from all over the world. If I am lucky to be admitted into your university, I am sure that I will not only press home my advantage to get a better education, but also develop further self-awareness and problem solving ability, which will be significant in my future job. In addition, studying in the UK will be a challenge in many ways.
During my childhood, I was always curious about physical phenomenon. When I was first introduced to physics, I found that it brought me into a marvellous world and helped me understand many of my childish problems. Getting interested in it, I gradually fell in love with this subject, and I did well in it at school. Since the basis of civil engineering is physics, I would like to take the advantage of my strongpoint to choose civil engineering as my specialized subject.
When I was at high school, I attempted to design some buildings on computer on my own. I struggled pretty hard and tried to design in the same way as some famous designers in the world. In order to enrich my practical knowledge, I found a part-time job working in a construction plant, which gave me lots of valuable experience and also taught me some basic theory in Civil Engineering. I also learned that persistence is the key to facing any challenges. At both of these practices I enjoyed developing my problem-solving ability and adapting my knowledge to new and challenging situations beyond the scope of my schoolwork. Moreover, my home town is a small city, with only basic facilities, and some villages in the area even don’t have any vehicles driving into. Aspiration urges me to be able to help improve this reality. While studying math in school, I have found that I enjoy solving problems that need an approach which may not be immediately obvious, but which requires persistence and thought to obtain. All above ability can help me successfully develop my courses in university.
In my free time, I enjoy jogging which helps me not only to keep fit but also to have more opportunity to read various modern buildings along the street. Further than that, taking photograph is another hobby that I find interesting. I often go outside to take some beautiful landscapes, which has helped me to develop an interest of art.
My plans for the future include gaining some practical experience on the construction plant for three years after my graduation in U.K. Later, I would start my own business. I firmly believe my overseas education and this valuable experience will assist me to become a successful Civil Engineer in the coming years.
I am confident that I can meet the requirement of this course, and your favourable consideration of this matter will be greatly appreciated.

除了个别地方值得商榷外，文章整体写得不错，既有自己的愿望，又有到对方学校学习的条件，确实写出了为什么要去和为什么具备条件去的真情实感。
以下是我在个别几处修改的说明：
1. 为了呼应结尾，开头另加了一句寒暄语；
2. 原来第一段开头实写自己的强烈愿望，为了达到感染对方的目的，我给你改为虚写；
3. 不明白 landmarker 指的是什么，我把它改为 designer；
4. 结尾最后一句也作了改写；
5. “跑步”处的街头杂志我把它改为观察路边的建筑，这样好像与本文的主旨更为贴近。
其它修改不再一一赘述。