求助英语小品，五个人演的，要幽默点，谢谢！！

　　英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》

　　作者：佚名 文章来源：本站原创 点击数：7713 更新时间：2005-11-27

　　Wanderseveryfivemiles
　　焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
　　焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
　　太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

　　Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

　　(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
　　J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
　　wifeisWuSong.
　　(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
　　(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
　　MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
　　smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
　　thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
　　(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
　　MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

　　Act1
　　(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
　　JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
　　(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
　　L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
　　JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
　　dearestmother-in-law”.
　　L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
　　JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
　　lazy……
　　L:But……
　　JM:Neverinterruptme!
　　L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
　　daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
　　and……
　　JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
　　L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
　　son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

　　Act2
　　(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
　　L:Mum,I’mback!
　　LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
　　L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
　　LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
　　marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
　　tome.Lookatyourself……
　　L:But,mum……
　　LM:Neverinterruptme!
　　L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
　　I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
　　LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
　　Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
　　andtellhim.(下)
　　L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅
　　铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

　　Act3本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

　　(J睡眼惺忪上)
　　J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
　　(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
　　(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
　　(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
　　裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
　　shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
　　JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
　　J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
　　JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
　　girl,goandtakeherback!
　　J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

　　Act4
　　(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
　　A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
　　Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
　　B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
　　C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
　　AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
　　J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
　　(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
　　A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
　　B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
　　C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
　　robthewedding!
　　A&B:Goodidea!
　　J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
　　AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
　　J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
　　(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
　　withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
　　B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
　　J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

　　Act5

　　(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
　　(J和三强盗跃至台中)
　　ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
　　A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
　　B:AndIplantedonetree.
　　C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
　　J:Giveusallyourmoney!
　　(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
　　L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
　　(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
　　J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
　　(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
　　(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
　　J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
　　L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
　　J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
　　L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
　　(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

小狮子找食物 （I Am Hungry）

角色：雄狮、小狮、小白兔、小松鼠、小女孩。
道具：雄狮、小狮、小白兔、小松鼠头套、红萝卜、花生一把、苹果一个。

Act 1
雄狮：（怒吼）Roar, roar!
I am the lion,
the king of the forest.
No one is stronger than me.
Roar, roar!
小狮：Daddy! I’m hungry.
雄狮：You are big now.
Be brave!
Go and find your own food.
小狮：But, I don’t know how.
雄狮：Do it like me.
Roar, roar! （怒吼）
小狮：（小声地）Roar, roar!
雄狮：Rush to the animals and bite them with your sharp teeth.（ 露出尖利的牙齿）
Go and do it now.
小狮：Yes, daddy.

Act 2
小白兔：（唱”Rabbit, R
693535747 19:39:38
abbit, Carrot Eater”）
Rabbit, rabbit, carrot eater.
He says there is nothing sweeter,
Than a carrot everyday,
Munch and crunch and run away.
小狮：Hi, rabbit! I am hungry.
Roar, roar!（小声地）
小白兔：Do you want some carrots?
小狮：Yes, please.
（小白兔递给小狮一根红萝卜）
小狮：Thank you.
小白兔：Carrots are the best food.
小狮：（吃了一口）Yuck! I don’t like it.
Anyway, thank you, rabbit.
（还红萝卜给小白兔）
小白兔：You are welcome.
（边跳边唱”Rabbit, Rabbit, Carrot Eater”
离开）

Act 3
小松鼠：（唱着”Found a Peanut”）
Found a peanut.
Found a peanut.
Found a peanut
693535747 19:39:38
just now.
Just now I found a peanut.
Found a peanut just now.
小狮：Hi, squirrel! I am hungry.
Roar, roar! （小声地）
小松鼠：Do you want some peanuts?
小狮：Yes, please.
（小松鼠递给小狮一些花生）
小狮：Thank you.
小松鼠：Peanut is the best food.
小狮：（吃了一颗）Yuck! It’s too hard.
I don’t like it.
Anyway, thank you, squirrel.
（将花生还给小松鼠）
小松鼠：You are welcome.
（边走边唱”Found a Peanut”离开）

Act 4
（小女孩边走边唱”Apple Round”）
小女孩：Apple round.
Apple red.
Apple juicy.
Apple sweet.